Down Day

Everyone has their down days and today is one of mine. I think I've spent far too long thinking. I woke up feeling lifeless and achey and when I got undressed to get in the shower I noticed just how bad this skin rash has gotten. Its spread all across my chest and is spreading down to my abdomen and up onto my face. No amount of cream is gonna make it go away cause its not caused by an infection or bacteria, its just another way of my body telling me somethings not right with my hormones....(Cheers for the heads up but toootally unnecessary... I reckon I already know now). It was something I wasn't really fussed about because I thought surgery would be within the next few weeks so Id became detached to my body knowing that it would change after my op, but now I know I've got to live in it, with no changes for another three months makes me severely unenthusiastic about life. I also spent about half an hour in the shower running my fingers through my hair and watching it all fall out. The fact the actual hairs on my head are thick kind of disguises the fact im balding, but after collecting all the hair I'd stuck to the bathroom wall and holding a good dense ball that filled the entire palm of my hand made me feel like a sick person which made me feel sad. Am I gonna have any hair left by the time I go in for my op?

Anyway, I should probably just try to look on the bright side of things and know that eventually these things will be a thing of the past but at the moment if they offered me surgery tomorrow, even though it would ruin all my plans and guarantee me to have a shit christmas I'd take it up in a heartbeat!