Radiotherapy

So i've got two more sessions to finish off my 6 weeks of radiotherapy to go today. I'm sorry that i've left it so late but I'll let that be an explanation in itself... I'm not gonna lie (for those of you reading this not yet to have radiotherapy) it isnt all that great. I'm nauseous way more than normal... to the point that even thinking of having any taste in my mouth makes my stomach churn and my mind ready to vomit. My constant state is feeling as if i've been in the car with a really bad driver for a really long time and I just want to sleep whenever I'm awake.

This past week I have overslept nearly every day despite going to bed early the night before. I feel lifeless most of the time and my weekends have been pretty non-existent. I started on Thursday the 13th October (a day after my birthday) and as you can imagine, a big birthday meal meant I didnt get to sleep straight away, meaning my first early morning in about a year was after only about 7 hours of sleep (yes i know to some of you that is a treat but the littlest thing for me feels like 20 times more of the effort than a normal person). I arrived on time into what i can only explain as the coldest waiting room on earth and a lovely lady named Charlie took me into a side room to just quickly go over all the stuff I had already been told. I was then taken into another room where there was a bed exactly like the one i laid on during my mask moulding and told to remove my jumper, shoes, glasses and untie my hair. I laid on the bed while they spoke over me reading measurements that sounded like simlish to me 'touching soup, eleven 7 on the long 16 7 on the height' etc. About 4 weeks later I learnt that one part of the jibberish meant I had even ears (horah!). Anyway. They read out all the measurements of the bed, made sure my collar bone, head and ribs were aligned correctly and popped in my mouth guard and on went my (tight) mask. Then i couldnt tell you for sure what happens after that because my eyes are closed but i think they use a bit of paper to measure the length of my eye or something? I have no idea but i can feel paper brushing my eyelashes and then them calling out numbers. Then they push a button say 'Alright hannah we'll be back in a minute, wave your hand if you want it to stop, we're watching you the whole time' while theres a loud beeping noise until they close the door and the sound of lasers begin. You can't feel anything during the treatment but sometimes I know when the beam is travelling up the right side of my face as I can tell there is light on the other side of my eyelid and my right nostril begins to smell of chlorine. Don't ask me why. Its just what happens.Then they come back inside move the laser around and rotate my bed. They measure my eye again and leave me again. And then its over... off comes the mouth guard clip, off comes the mask and then out comes my mouth guard- often ending in spit all over my face.

The first days were absolute hell. When I stood back up off the bed I felt like i was going to fall over and pass out. I felt like any sudden movement would make me puke all over the room and i dont know if it is possible for any of you to fathom it but my brain felt tired. The journey home felt like a bloody life time and when I opened my door at 12pm I went straight onto the sofa and fell asleep until 7 (and then back to sleep at 10). The next day was pretty much the same and thankfully I was given Domperidone (anti-sickness) the following monday. It helped a bit with the sickness but if i was to tell you i felt fine for the 5 weeks after that I would be lying.

I just really really hope this past 6 weeks (almost) have been for something and I wont need to be the old person I was again. I cant wait... 2 more days before unlimited lie ins but I sure will miss a convenient M&S...