Wow! Can you believe surgery was five whole months ago (I know 5 months is not a common milestone but I wrote this post thinking it was 6 because im thick as shit and can't be bothered to delete it)? Time has absolutely flown by. Fair enough I was in hospital for a month of it, the most part with meningitis, but I feel like a different, yet the same, person! When I was ill, as you'll hear most people with cushing's say, when I looked in the mirror I didnt recognise the person looking back at me. I wasn't sociable, which is one of my main characteristics, my features had disappeared and had gotten lost in the size of my face, my skin was spotty and felt tight, I was lifeless and sad all the time and I'd always rather be alone than with anyone else. But almost immediately after surgery I felt like life was looking up. I don't know whether it was from the huge amount of support and encouragement from family, friends and even strangers that made me realise life wasn't all so bad, whether it was down to the wave of happiness that came with the thought that my struggles and pains would soon be over, whether it was just because the sun was finally shining or whether it was just that timmy was ripped out my head, but life just seemed good again. I wasn't sad anymore, I didn't want to be anyone else, I didn't resent my illness, I was just happy to have my future back... WOW that sounds soppy.
Anyway long story short. I was happy, relieved and optimistic. The journey is not and never will be over, but I was trying to look back (its so easy to forget) because people who havent known me tens of years seem to keep saying to me 'wow you are so different, you seem so much better!' and in my head i just think, 'really? I feel like plain old me.'. As I mentioned in a previous blog post, photos in the last year (2 years now) were a big fat no no. I scrolled through facebook and my phone and found a few 'hidden from timeline's and a couple of selfies i considored alright at the time.
You can see how uncomfortable I was in my own skin. I wont undermine all those fun times but when a camera was out I was soooo done with being me.
Below are a couple of selfies that I remade to see the difference (lol in my pyjamas both pics so clearly havent changed that much):
...Two operations, one meningitis and a whole world of drugs, Mr Nick Thomas, you are my literal saviour. Thank you for bringing me back.
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