Journeyed home on Thursday evening (train was overcrowded, delayed, plug sockets didn't work and poor little Jackie was the only other member of staff aside from the driver), went to see my poorly pops and then came home and fell asleep.
The next day was appointment day... Nervous but excited... After this appointment I'll have a clearer picture of what I need to do, how I'm going to do it, what I have to expect really. It also said on the referral letter that I should allow two hours in case they need to do any tests there and then (maybe an MRI that would locate the tumour and then I'd be set to have it zapped out next week? naaaah... maybe a little too optimistic Hannah.).
So off we trot (but not really trot, cause King's College Hospital is a bitch to get to via public transport and its raining so we order an Uber, obviously) and arrive and sign in. The waiting room wasn't too bad actually, there weren't loads of stinky people coughing in your face, it wasn't ridiculously stuffy and there were swanky big screens that made announcements telling people where to go and who to see etc. There was a large woman called Charlotte Cakebread waiting with us... What a name! heh
I got called 20 in minutes late but meh, whatever, not really something to complain about when you're saving my life. The appointment started by basically profiling me, I got asked about symptoms and changes and what made me realise that something was wrong. But Cushing's is a disease is often described as 'constantly feeling cruddy' (maybe thats why I enjoy sleep so much), so I've only noticed all these changes and symptoms in hindsight. Its always just been normal to me. I've never had any pivotal moments when I've suddenly fallen sick to spark any concern. The exposure to cortisol debilitates you slowly so you don't really notice it happening.
I guess I could pinpoint where certain changes happened by looking back and making comparisons though, so we discussed the different symptoms and gave rough estimates of how long I'd been suffering from them. Pubey hair- 2 years, lack of energy- 6 years, intolerance to alcohol- 2 years (although the asian flush gene I was born with and shall be with me until I die. Fantastic.), excessive marks- 4 years. When it got to the emotional and mental symptoms it was a little harder though and yes, a few tears were shed (I'm only human). I do miss the old me.
Anyway, so good old Dr. Jackie said she probably had enough written up (I could have gone on forever, it literally affects every single thing about you that the symptoms are endless!) and she wanted to move on to talk about treatment.
I was still in a bit of an emotional stir up so the next bit was a bit of a blur... so I can't really remember exactly what she said. But to sum up all of what I can remember, she said Cushing's is treated as urgent, wants testing and investigations to start next week and ideally have the final treatment of surgery by Christmas.
SAY WHAT. Okay, I'll be completely honest and tell you that the first thing that crossed my mind (and came out of my mouth because I seem to have no filter) was Warehouse Project. I want to be in Manchester next week and spend time with my besties :'(, not in London having tests done. Second thing that crossed my mind was the fact I said my sister and her friends could stay at my house in Manchester for another Warehouse Project they're going to in December and chances are, if surgery is before Christmas I won't be there for them to be able to.
But then, I had to be realistic and actually get my priorities straight... (but I'm gonna be optimistic in the hope that the testing will be on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday or latest Thursday and I'll still manage to have my weekend of shits and giggles in the north). I am actually grateful that they are pushing to get me better and so thankful that they're not wasting my time and the process isn't going to be dragged out.
So that was that, no train back up to Manc on Sunday anymore (typical, the one time I don't overpack I have to stay for longer). The ball is officially rolling as of next week. I don't want it to be a sensitive or awkward subject (can't' be arsed for any of that stress), so I came back home and posted the news and blog online (I didn't want to post it any sooner incase at the appointment they ran further tests and found out I was actually just making excuses for being a fatty and I was just a little bit odd). Thank you for all your support so far, sorry I haven't managed to talk to people personally, its been a bit of a whirlwind!
What does it mean for uni? It means I'm probably most definitely going to have to take a break. Frustrating because, besides academically starting second year and having already done loads of work for it, compared to last year I was actually really enjoying living there. My friendships have got so much stronger and there is so much going on that I want to do (got another email saying I'd reached the top of the list to be in the audience for Jeremy Kyle, can't do that now can I?! Gutted.). It took me so long to finally feel settled and comfortable so its annoying and I don't really want to burst my little Manchester bubble but I will be back and I can always pick up where I left off.
But looking on the plus side, there's a lot of good things about taking a break:
- I don't have to start two bitches of essays that I am clueless about. When it was put into my mind that I might have to start again next year I quickly became very complacent with how much work I did... if I wasn't going to complete the unit why bother staying up to do dryyyyyy readings? heh, worked in my favour.
- I'm a celeb starts this Sunday
- I'll be home to decorate the Christmas tree
- I can still visit everyone else at uni
- The recovery process is different for everyone and if I have the surgery soon it gives me plenty of time if I need it
- Maybe I'll have time to get a temp job and save some money for surviving back at uni
- My next door neighbour is having a baby and I can spend lots of time with it while its still cute. I love babies!!!
- and ill have time to spruce up the blog aesthetics, maybe change the picture to something that wasn't my first ever instagram selfie edit 4 years ago
So now the next thing to wait for is my next appointment for testing and investigations date (keep your fingers crossed that its not at the weekend!)
I'm also doing a lot of googling surrounding the disease and seems like it's a big thing in the world of dogs and horses. Brilliant! Not only do I have a disease that's called 'Cushing's' (just to rub the fat aspect in a bit more), but when people talk of it its usually regarding their pet animal!
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